Proud American . . . . . .

A few months ago I was called for jury duty. Monday morning I showed up at the Mobile County Courthouse ready to exercise my civic duty. It was a proud day to be an American as I eagerly anticipated having the opportunity to listen to oral arguments from opposing attorneys. I was excited to think about hearing evidence and listening to the judge guide us through the process of exercising the rule of law. Justice, honor, power, fairness, innocent until proven guilty, these are a few of the guiding principles that have shaped the greatest nation on earth. This is the part when you should let the National Anthem play in the background of your head. Just imagine your favorite singer beautifully leading the Star Spangled Banner. I was proud . . . . . . And then I walked into the courthouse. I stood in line for thirty minutes to get through the metal detectors. I was horrified when I realized I was in line with criminals. That’s right, sports fans; they made me stand in line with over one hundred criminals. There were drug dealers, thugs, thieves, murderers, rapists, drunk drivers and every other creepy crawly vermin. We were packed into elevators and herded to the eighth floor to sit in what I thought was the jury assembly room.

Much to my surprise, the criminals I stood in line with walked into the jury room. Something had to be wrong. Thinking I had mistakenly been taken to the county holding tank, I asked the bailiff if I was in the right room. "Bailiff, oh Mr. Bailiff," I said as I waved my juror summons in his face. "This can’t be the juror assembly room, can it?"

He assured me that everyone in the room had been summoned to serve as jurors. Great, I thought, I must be the only person in the room with a real job. Okay, I don’t have a real job either but that’s not important right now. Hey, did you know that sometimes the judge will excuse you from jury duty if you are waiting for your own trial to start? Yes, that’s right there was someone in the room who was a juror and a defendant. Only in America! By the way, the bailiff wasn’t amused. He stood still without cracking a smile. I tried to stare at him with the same intensity. Finally, I said, "maybe it would be better if we ignored each other until you go away!" He didn't like that either! Make a mental note - NEVER joke around with a man wearing a badge and carrying a gun.

I was fortunate to be one of the thirty-two out of three hundred who were chosen to stay all week. It was exciting. We showed up every morning and read the newspaper, drank coffee, worked crossword puzzles and ate breakfast. Now I know what thugs do during the day. They deal, kill and steal at night and serve the court by day. Oh wait, that’s the attorneys.