Whatever You Do, DON'T LOOK!

Someone must have put a voodoo hex on me.

Tuesday: I discovered one of my favorite shirts had a hole in the elbow. Not just a small pin prick but a huge hole – as wide as the Gulf of Mexico. Big deal, right? I discovered the hole halfway through the day. It’s not like I had another shirt to change into! There I was all afternoon having people stare; wondering why I wore such old, worn-out shirts. And it was a favorite. Threw the shirt away.

Wednesday: Halfway through the day, I discovered old coffee stains on my pants. Not just any pair of pants but a pair I actually like! Coffee stains – old coffee stains. Does anyone know how to remove coffee from your clothes? What’s worse, I didn’t have time to change before church so I walked around all night with stained pants! People shaking their heads again. The trash runs on Thursday so when I got home, I took the can to the street. While skillfully preparing to roll the can from the garage, I noticed the back of my truck blocked my way. The can was too wide to get through the space. No, the can didn’t grow; whoever parked the truck in the garage didn’t pull up far enough! Trying to save time, I picked up the can over the back of the truck. It’s one of those big ones with wheels. After putting the can down and starting to roll it down the driveway, I noticed goop all over my robe and pajamas. Yes, I have a robe. Have you ever looked into the bottom of your trash can? If not, don’t! It’s a trap – kinda like looking at the placenta after your child is born. I remember when our first daughter, Delaney, was born. I received some wonderful advice from a stupid old man in our church. He said, “no matter what happens, don’t look at the placenta.” You guessed it; he wanted to share the joy of his experience. Obviously, that makes it like a train wreck – you know you shouldn’t look but you can’t help it. That’s the way it is with your trash can – I’m telling you don’t look. I was covered with this liquid goop made up of coffee, tea, water, old food, cat litter, and a host of yet to be determined atomic material. Needless to say, I spent the evening washing my robe and pajamas. They stunk! Hoping nothing happens today!