The Oldest Living Valley Girl

OK, so like, here's what happened at dinner. Well, first .. let's talk about the decision to eat at OMG, the Georgia Diner ... Have you ever been there? OK, it totally looks just like an old-fashioned 50's style diner with these really rad tables and ... Anyway, sorry, I like forgot what I was saying. OK, so like, I totally sat down and this really old waitress brought me a menu and took my drink order. I'm not saying she's the oldest living person ... but let me tell you, in like dog years .... she's totally dead! After a few minutes of pondering the delicious looking menu selections, she pranced over to my table. OK, like, she strolled over ... OK, OK, she totally wheeled herself over to take my order. Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of a deaf person? C'mon, you're deaf ... Why pretend? We need to know your limitations. My limitation is not having a filter in my brain. We all have one. If you can't hear, you may not need to be working in an environment where hearing is an essential job function.

"May I take your order," the old, deaf, valley girl asked.

"I'm not sure, yet," I cheerfully responded. (Yes, I can be cheerful)

The blank stare on her severely wrinkled face should have told me to stop talking. But, you know me ... Just plunge ahead into the dark, abyss of mindless chatter.

After an awkward minute of silence, I continued. "I'm not sure if I want the burger or country fried steak. Is the country fried steak any good?"

"So like, what kind of salad dressing would you like?"

Apparently the look of confusion, self-doubt and shock on my face prompted her to repeat the question. Have you ever had one of those totally crazee moments when you realize you should give up all hope? Abandon ship ... Not me .... further into the valley girl abyss I went ...

"Thousand Island."

"Coming right up."

A few minutes later she brought me a salad with thousand island dressing. A little while later I was served a plate with mashed potatoes and gravy, carrots and broccoli and like this totally rad piece of country fried steak.

People say we should learn something new everyday Here's what I learned today:

1. Never eat at the Georgia Diner in Duluth, GA.

2. Never ask if the country fried steak is good. apparently, that's code for "I'd like the country fried steak."

3. Old, deaf women do not make good waitresses.

4. The oldest, living valley girl retired to Duluth, GA.

5. Leave a nice tip anyway ..

6. And last ... I learned to rock the casbah even though I'm still not sure what that means.