Proud American . . . . . .

A few months ago I was called for jury duty. Monday morning I showed up at the Mobile County Courthouse ready to exercise my civic duty. It was a proud day to be an American as I eagerly anticipated having the opportunity to listen to oral arguments from opposing attorneys. I was excited to think about hearing evidence and listening to the judge guide us through the process of exercising the rule of law. Justice, honor, power, fairness, innocent until proven guilty, these are a few of the guiding principles that have shaped the greatest nation on earth. This is the part when you should let the National Anthem play in the background of your head. Just imagine your favorite singer beautifully leading the Star Spangled Banner. I was proud . . . . . . And then I walked into the courthouse. I stood in line for thirty minutes to get through the metal detectors. I was horrified when I realized I was in line with criminals. That’s right, sports fans; they made me stand in line with over one hundred criminals. There were drug dealers, thugs, thieves, murderers, rapists, drunk drivers and every other creepy crawly vermin. We were packed into elevators and herded to the eighth floor to sit in what I thought was the jury assembly room.

Much to my surprise, the criminals I stood in line with walked into the jury room. Something had to be wrong. Thinking I had mistakenly been taken to the county holding tank, I asked the bailiff if I was in the right room. "Bailiff, oh Mr. Bailiff," I said as I waved my juror summons in his face. "This can’t be the juror assembly room, can it?"

He assured me that everyone in the room had been summoned to serve as jurors. Great, I thought, I must be the only person in the room with a real job. Okay, I don’t have a real job either but that’s not important right now. Hey, did you know that sometimes the judge will excuse you from jury duty if you are waiting for your own trial to start? Yes, that’s right there was someone in the room who was a juror and a defendant. Only in America! By the way, the bailiff wasn’t amused. He stood still without cracking a smile. I tried to stare at him with the same intensity. Finally, I said, "maybe it would be better if we ignored each other until you go away!" He didn't like that either! Make a mental note - NEVER joke around with a man wearing a badge and carrying a gun.

I was fortunate to be one of the thirty-two out of three hundred who were chosen to stay all week. It was exciting. We showed up every morning and read the newspaper, drank coffee, worked crossword puzzles and ate breakfast. Now I know what thugs do during the day. They deal, kill and steal at night and serve the court by day. Oh wait, that’s the attorneys.

Fasting With Muslims! WHAT?

Catching up on recent news and came across an article in the USAToday that ran about a week ago. It was about the Muslim holy month of Ramadan and a couple Christians who decided to fast together for the sake of unity and spiritual growth. In order to really understand this, we need a quick history lesson. Muslims believe Muhammad fasted during Ramadan and received his first vision leading to the writing of the Quran. As Christians, we know Islam is a false religion that leads its followers away from God. Just so you know, Allah is NOT the name of Jehovah God. Jehovah is the only true God and Islam teaches the opposite. I am appalled that Christians would deceive Muslims by giving them the false sense of security their religious practices are meaningful or spiritual.

Loving your neighbor is our command. Engaging in false religious practices for the sake of unity is not love. Our command from Jehovah is to speak the truth in love. We cannon keep that command by engaging in religious practices contrary to that outlined in the Bible.

Here’s another issue. The two Christians mentioned are leaders. One is pastor of a church in Washington. He is fasting with a Muslim partner. In the article the pastor is quoted as saying believes in Jesus but only God has the authority to decide who goes to Hell. Are you kidding me? This guy pastors a Church of Christ church and he doesn’t know how someone goes to Heaven or Hell. Go read the article! You can find it on the USAToday website - search for Muslims Find New Fasting Partners. God clearly delivered His message in the Bible. You know, the book HE wrote. Adrian Rogers once said if he had to condense the Bible to two words, they would be: Jesus Saves.

Another church leader mentioned in the article is Brian McLaren. He is one of the leaders of the Emergent church movement. You may want to do some research on this group. McLaren has made some outrageous statements surrounding the topic of unity and merging world religious beliefs together. This is a scary thought. Christianity is different from all world religions in that Jesus rose from the grave.

Merging false religious practices with true Christian beliefs is a mockery of Jesus’ death. It is deceitful to Muslims or others who need to hear the truth in love.

There I was, stuck in Orlando, FL with 5 RV's and 4 drivers in the fall of 2008. There were several tropical storms and hurricanes threatening FL and the Gulf Coast. If I remember right Hurricane Gustav was already in the Gulf, TS Hanna was threatening FL and Ike had made his presence known in the Atlantic. My responsibility was to sit in Orlando and wait, along with a fleet of RV's. Late one afternoon we got the call to drive north and follow TS Hanna as she approached the Carolina coast. Even though she wasn't a major threat, we wanted to be prepared.

Our convoy started and we headed north from Orlando. It was close to 8 pm when we left so we drove as far north as we could. We were somewhere in GA, close to the SC state line when we decided to stop for the night. Someone in our group had the bright idea that spending the night in a WalMart parking lot was a good idea. I should have known - I've been to that store during the day! I know what Hemingway must have thought at 3 am when the pack of wild cats started meowing! 30 cats in heat can make the most awful noise in the world. Needless to say, I was awake. So when you're stuck at WalMart at 3 am not able to sleep, what should you do? You guessed it. I went shopping. What a mistake. Have you ever wondered where those people who have 12 inch tall spiked mohawks hangout? We see them on TV and occasionally out and about, but I've always wondered where they work or hangout! Yep! You guessed it! They hangout at WalMart. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're all vampires but have you ever seen one during the day? I didn't think so. Good news is that I was able to catch a sale on milk, toothpaste, garden hoses, a bike and a good DVD player. I didn't need any of them but I couldn't pass up a good deal, right?

Speaking of vampires, I think Nancy Pelosi is one! Look at her teeth the next time you see her mouth open. Don't pay attention to whatever stupid sentence is coming out of her mouth, just look at her teeth. She's one of them. I know it! And Richard Dreyfus is too! All this vampire talk reminds me of a children's sermon I did once on Vampires, Mummies and the Holy Ghost. Talk about scaring some kids into salvation! They were running all over the church looking for their parents! Needless to say, after that message, I got a visit from the chairman of the personnel committee. That's another story. Enough vampire talk, I'm hungry and it's past breakfast time.

I was working in Diamond Bar, CA, outside of LA and decided to spend an evening on Hollywood Blvd and Sunset Strip. I made my way in and out of several famous places and eventually settled in the House of Blues. It was a slow night so I had the place t myself, except for the deputy sheriff that sat next to me at the bar. Crime must have taken the night off as well. We started talking and immediately he recognized I was not from Cali. What part of the south are you from was his question. Alabama was my response. Here's where it became interesting. He said he had just gotten back from vacation in AL. I assumed Gulf Shores or Orange Beach. I must have looked shocked when he replied, Mobile. Who is the world vacations in Mobile? Especially if you live in LA. Before you get too far ahead of me, of course me response was "WHY?" According to this guy in LA, Mobile has the best music festival in the country. Yes, that's right! He vacationed to Mobile to attend BayFest. How cool is that? He lives in the music capital of the world and he comes to Mobile to listen to a good festival. How weird is it that I sat in the House of Blues on Sunset Strip talking to a guy who had just visited my hometown. What are the odds?

That reminds me of a time I was working in Chicago. As soon as I introduced mysel to a man I met on the south side of town, he asked what part of AL I was from. How did you know I was from AL, I responded. You have the Bama accent. Mobile, I said. He was originally from Bham but had lived in Chicago for 20 years. I guess we really do live in a small world. And it's now smaller with instant global communication. Spend a little extra time with people you meet this week, you might just be the answer to their prayer. Saints win again!

I Had A Giant Hickey

Ok, I couldn't wait until tomorrow! Someone reminded me of a story from 13 years ago. I was student minister at a church in Port Arthur, TX and our daughter, Delaney was around 1. Like most fathers of little kids, I spend most of my time rolling on the floor playing with her toys. One particular day, we were playing and ... Have you ever seen one of those kids toys with the suction cups on one end? You know what I'm talking about. Delaney had one with some kind of rattle or ball on one end and a three inch suction cup from Hell on the other. At the time it seemed like a good idea to ... BTW, don't ever lick a suction cup. It gives them superhero type strength. I stuck the toy to my forehead and let Delaney play. It was only on my head for a minute or two before I realized I made a serious error in judgment. Have you ever seen a three inch hickey? There I was at church the next day, probably preaching, with a giant hickey on my forehead. Good news is it only lasted about a week. I felt better when some dude about 50 told me he did the same thing when his kid was about Delaney's age. Thanks for reminding me of another laugh at my expense.

Red Rover, Red Rover Send .....

Thursday already? Where has the week gone? For some reason I was thinking about the church I attended as a child, FB Chickasaw. I remember many Sunday nights closing the service with the pastor asking everyone to hold hands and sing a song about unity. Some of you may remember the song. I remember getting in trouble once because as we were about to sing I felt a sudden urge, something strong and defiant rising up in my spirit. Those of you who know me well know when this happens it's never good! With the soft church organ playing in the background, I shouted "Red rover, red rover, send the preacher right over!" Now that caused a butt whipping I'll never forget. Not sure why I'm writing about this but it seemed appropriate. I also remember the two most important things I was taught as a child: 1. Always wash your hands after using the bathroom (with soap) and 2. Brush your teeth twice daily.

Here's something else to think about. Remember when God was chatting with Moses through the flaming azalea bush? He told Moses to throw his staff on the ground. It was changed into a snake. Sounds kinda Criss Angel but this one wasn't an illusion. What happened next? Moses picked it up and it became a staff again. Did you know that almost every time after this event Moses' staff was called the staff of God? Look it up! I'm not kidding. WOW! That's significant. Our spiritual application is this: God asks us to put down whatever we are holding (our staff). Once we are willing to let Him have control He is able to change us. Then He gives it back to us and it belongs to Him. I hope this doesn't sound too confusing but God takes what we give Him, molds it into something useful, gives it back and with it we are able to perform great miracles. That's what God told Moses. "Use this staff to perform great signs and miracles."

If you're holding onto anything maybe you should give it to God and allow Him to do the changing. That reminds me of something Jesus said to the people standing around watching while He raised Lazarus. Maybe I'll write about that next time. Don't forget to wash your hands and maybe play Red Rover this afternoon.

DON'T SPANK YOUR KIDS

My parents didn't believe in spanking! I'm sure you're thinking, "well that's what happened." Don't judge them! They did what they thought was right in the eyes of the Lord. No spanking! My grandfather was a cop so he had access to all kinds of cool gadgets. My parents were the first to have a handheld taser! You guessed it, no spanking but when we got out of line it was electrocution time! I still remember saying something sarcastic to my mom and from nowhere, out of the blue, my dad zapped me from behind. With my body convulsing on the floor, and my mom saying "hit him again!" I realized some things just aren't worth it. So it you're having problems with your kids, let me know. I'll send you the info to order your very own taser. Three easy payments of $29.95.