A light mist started falling from the dark, storm clouds minutes before I looked toward the sky. I was floating. It felt as if I were suspended in time - bobbing up and down with the rhythmic, methodical salty waves as they raced toward shore. Fortunately, my life jacket forced me on my back and I was able to keep my head above water. In the moments before my dad turned his white 20-foot center-console style boat around, I peered over a three foot wave to see my oldest daughter bobbing up and down about 100 yards away. She waved toward the boat as her silver-haired grandfather maneuvered slowly beside her. After she was back in the boat they headed my direction.
By now I had withstood three or four three foot waves over my head. Just before the boat arrived I spit out a gulp of salty gulf water - hopefully, non-oil-laced water. The fishing vessel turned ski boat pulled along side. My wife and father curiously wondered why I was laughing hysterically. After I yelled, they knew why? Have you ever seen someone laugh so hard they almost fell off a boat? It’s quite comical.
“I have a wardrobe malfunction,” I yelled.
After a minute of silence they realized what I meant. I will never forget the expressions on their faces. I actually saw the light bulbs come on when my dad and wife realized that wardrobe malfunction meant I had lost my shorts. That’s right; I was floating, bobbing and trying to keep my head above water while holding my shorts around my waist. It’s just not cool to laugh at someone when their pants have been floating in the Gulf of Mexico without them.
“Do you have your shorts?” my dad asked.
“Barely, I’m hanging onto them!”
Hey, did you know that before you take your kids tubing or skiing for the first time it’s a good idea to find out what equipment is essential? We had life jackets, a huge two-person inter tube and a long rope. What didn’t we have? A ladder to climb into the boat. Don’t go tubing without a ladder. It is difficult to climb into a boat without a ladder after you have been slung through the water at 800 miles an hour. It is even more difficult to do it with one hand while your other is holding your shorts! I felt like a street thug with my shorts around my knees.
Apparently the constant banging and violent thrashing on the tube tore the button and zipper from my shorts. There was even a rip beside the zipper. Needles to say, we learned a lot about tubing. We also learned about proper tubing attire. Flopping over the side of a boat with your shorts around your knees just isn’t cool.
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