Harold and Kevin

Back in my younger days, I was a little rambunctious ... OK, maybe I was hyper or spastic or a little psychotic. Whatever it was kept people guessing. I could go on and on about stories from high school but I won't bore you with such trivial, useless rantings from the old days ... OK, you twisted my arm ... just one story from high school.

It was the week following our graduation and I was hanging out with friends in Gulf Shores. A few of us stayed at a friend's house. Harold Britt, Jimmy Doan, Steve Prescott, Jerry Waller and Tony Acuff, and me ... Hopefully, I haven't forgotten anyone. A few other friends were staying at a condo somewhere close. If I remember right it was within walking distance from Harold's place.

One day ... Harold and I had the bright idea to walk to the condo where Scott Chavers, Kevin Savoy and maybe someone else were staying. Now that you know the background .... I'll begin the story.

Light gray clouds parted as the bright afternoon sun made its presence known to its mass of sand-stricken worshippers. The Gulf had never looked better. We had played and celebrated the end of an era and in anticipation of a new beginning. Strolling past the Hangout toward Papa Rocco's, Harold and I talked about what we should do and where we should go once we picked up Savoy from the condo. The walk seemed to take forever in the bright heat of the day. Fortunately, I wore jet black wayfarer's ... I think they were out of style but the good news is they're back. I'm sure I still have mine. Anyway, where was I?

Fearing something may be wrong we slowly eased the condo door open. The creaking sound startled me. I'm sure Harold laughed. You see, just before we knocked, we noticed the door was cracked. Kevin or Scott or the person I can't remember could be in trouble or hurt or .... murdered. Alright, this isn't a suspense thriller. We realized Kevin had not closed the door all the way and was taking a shower. Did you know that opportunity only presents itself a few times? When it does .... Run full speed ahead. You'll love it.

We figured out which room was Kevin's and strategically hid in the closet. At this time in our young lives, we thought it was cool to smoke Hav-a-Tampa skinny cigars. You know, the one's with the wood tip. Maybe it was Swisher Sweets. Either way, Harold and I lit up and puffed like crazy. By the time Kevin finished his shower .... the closet was full of smoke. We could see him through the slats in the wooden bi-fold closet door.

While drying, we heard the first of many sniffs. Immediately, like a bloodhound on the trail of an escaped con, Kevin frantically looked for the source of what he thought was a fire. The trail led him to the closet door. Wearing only a towel, he sniffed .... and as he reached for the closet door, we sprung into action jerking the door open rushing out of the closet, screaming like a band of Indians.

WOW! I have to tell you it was an adrenaline rush ... Oh, not for me and Harold. For Kevin. Did you know it is actually medically possible to scare someone to death? In that moment we realized our joke nearly gave Kevin a heart attack. Needles to say, I don't recall Kevin finding the humor.

I'm not sure what reminded me of this but I hope I've remembered it accurately.

The Oldest Living Valley Girl

OK, so like, here's what happened at dinner. Well, first .. let's talk about the decision to eat at OMG, the Georgia Diner ... Have you ever been there? OK, it totally looks just like an old-fashioned 50's style diner with these really rad tables and ... Anyway, sorry, I like forgot what I was saying. OK, so like, I totally sat down and this really old waitress brought me a menu and took my drink order. I'm not saying she's the oldest living person ... but let me tell you, in like dog years .... she's totally dead! After a few minutes of pondering the delicious looking menu selections, she pranced over to my table. OK, like, she strolled over ... OK, OK, she totally wheeled herself over to take my order. Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of a deaf person? C'mon, you're deaf ... Why pretend? We need to know your limitations. My limitation is not having a filter in my brain. We all have one. If you can't hear, you may not need to be working in an environment where hearing is an essential job function.

"May I take your order," the old, deaf, valley girl asked.

"I'm not sure, yet," I cheerfully responded. (Yes, I can be cheerful)

The blank stare on her severely wrinkled face should have told me to stop talking. But, you know me ... Just plunge ahead into the dark, abyss of mindless chatter.

After an awkward minute of silence, I continued. "I'm not sure if I want the burger or country fried steak. Is the country fried steak any good?"

"So like, what kind of salad dressing would you like?"

Apparently the look of confusion, self-doubt and shock on my face prompted her to repeat the question. Have you ever had one of those totally crazee moments when you realize you should give up all hope? Abandon ship ... Not me .... further into the valley girl abyss I went ...

"Thousand Island."

"Coming right up."

A few minutes later she brought me a salad with thousand island dressing. A little while later I was served a plate with mashed potatoes and gravy, carrots and broccoli and like this totally rad piece of country fried steak.

People say we should learn something new everyday Here's what I learned today:

1. Never eat at the Georgia Diner in Duluth, GA.

2. Never ask if the country fried steak is good. apparently, that's code for "I'd like the country fried steak."

3. Old, deaf women do not make good waitresses.

4. The oldest, living valley girl retired to Duluth, GA.

5. Leave a nice tip anyway ..

6. And last ... I learned to rock the casbah even though I'm still not sure what that means.

What If

What If ... Money grew on trees? What If ... Pigs could fly? What If ... Hell froze over? Although these are cliches that aren't actually going to happen, we can learn a lesson from them. We have a tendency to what if our lives to death. We constantly ask what if this and what if that. What if questions go along with why questions. How many times have you heard someone ask why? Why did God allow this to happen? What if God had done that? This type of questioning isn't productive and usually leads us in a downward spiral away from God's will.

The only What If question that is productive is to ask yourself ... What If ... we loved each other as Christ loves the Church? The world would be radically different ... WHAT IF ...

Miss Universe Contest

A King, A Bride and A Kingdom ….. Remember those words as you read. I’ve read the book of Esther -maybe for the first time from beginning to end. I’ve known the story since my early days in Sunday School but have only now understood its relevance. What a majestic and powerful love story.

Many ancient church leaders fought against its inclusion in the Canon because never once is God’s name mentioned. It’s regretful that many have not seen the picture story of God’s redemptive love through Esther’s story. The book is a shadow of things to come. It reveals God’s plan for humanity.

Through the simple story of a young woman God reveals His plan. Esther’s life unfolds like a fiction romance novel yet it is non-fiction and completely God’s inspired Word.

King Ahasuerus had a great feast and invited everyone, including the common folks to attend. It was a magnificent display of the kingdom’s riches and glory. The festival was intended to display the King’s glory and his crown jewel – His Queen. Queen Vashti refused to obey the King’s command and was eventually stripped of her crown.

A beauty contest was held throughout all the land and young women were brought before the king after a one year purification, cleansing and beautification process. That’s right, before they were introduced to the king; they went through a beautification process. It was a one year beauty contest. Esther was chosen to replace Vashti as queen. I’m sure you remember the rest of the story. Esther pleads for her people before the king and the Jewish people are vindicated.

Remember, this is the story of a king, his bride and a kingdom. As Esther went through a purification and beautification process before becoming the king’s bride, we must go through the same. As Christians, we are being purified, and beautified so we can become the bride of Christ. Our king is looking for His bride to present on the seventh day of the festival. As King Ahasuerus wanted to present his bride on the last day, God will present His perfect, purified bride on the last day. Thus ushering in His kingdom.

There is so much more to this powerful book. Hopefully, this will prompt you to read it for yourself. Discover the King, His Bride and His Kingdom as you read. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The difficulties, struggles, trials, persecution, attacks and problems we face are all part of the purification and beautification process we must go through in order to be presented as the perfect bride of Christ.

Attract or Diburse

Over the past few months we have learned a couple new words related to the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico – Attractants and Disbursements. Well, to be fair, these aren’t really new words but rather new to this context. An attractant is simple to define – something that attracts something else. Disbursements are things that distribute or disburse something. In the oil spill context these words define the chemicals BP is using to attract oil with the hope of containing it for clean up. The disbursements are placed in the water with the hope of breaking the oil into smaller particles. The tar balls that keep washing up on the coastal shores are created when disbursing chemicals come in contact with the oil.

BP is using chemicals to attract oil and disburse it.

I am reminded of Matthew 12:30. - READ IT!

Seems to me that people attract or disburse, also.

Wardrobe Malfunction

A light mist started falling from the dark, storm clouds minutes before I looked toward the sky. I was floating. It felt as if I were suspended in time - bobbing up and down with the rhythmic, methodical salty waves as they raced toward shore. Fortunately, my life jacket forced me on my back and I was able to keep my head above water. In the moments before my dad turned his white 20-foot center-console style boat around, I peered over a three foot wave to see my oldest daughter bobbing up and down about 100 yards away. She waved toward the boat as her silver-haired grandfather maneuvered slowly beside her. After she was back in the boat they headed my direction.

By now I had withstood three or four three foot waves over my head. Just before the boat arrived I spit out a gulp of salty gulf water - hopefully, non-oil-laced water. The fishing vessel turned ski boat pulled along side. My wife and father curiously wondered why I was laughing hysterically. After I yelled, they knew why? Have you ever seen someone laugh so hard they almost fell off a boat? It’s quite comical.

“I have a wardrobe malfunction,” I yelled.

After a minute of silence they realized what I meant. I will never forget the expressions on their faces. I actually saw the light bulbs come on when my dad and wife realized that wardrobe malfunction meant I had lost my shorts. That’s right; I was floating, bobbing and trying to keep my head above water while holding my shorts around my waist. It’s just not cool to laugh at someone when their pants have been floating in the Gulf of Mexico without them.

“Do you have your shorts?” my dad asked.

“Barely, I’m hanging onto them!”

Hey, did you know that before you take your kids tubing or skiing for the first time it’s a good idea to find out what equipment is essential? We had life jackets, a huge two-person inter tube and a long rope. What didn’t we have? A ladder to climb into the boat. Don’t go tubing without a ladder. It is difficult to climb into a boat without a ladder after you have been slung through the water at 800 miles an hour. It is even more difficult to do it with one hand while your other is holding your shorts! I felt like a street thug with my shorts around my knees.

Apparently the constant banging and violent thrashing on the tube tore the button and zipper from my shorts. There was even a rip beside the zipper. Needles to say, we learned a lot about tubing. We also learned about proper tubing attire. Flopping over the side of a boat with your shorts around your knees just isn’t cool.

The Hunt for Red October

I like war movies. Maybe you do too. Do any of you remember the movie The Hunt for Red October? It is a great movie with a scene that illustrates how we should live. You may remember the scene. The Soviet submarine commander (Sean Connery) made a strategic move when his sub was fired upon by an American sub. Instead of trying to avoid danger, he turned his sub toward the torpedo and headed right for it. All his men thought the Commander had finally lost his mind. Who steers toward danger, not away from it? Little did they know his strategic maneuver would save their lives? By moving toward the torpedo, he disrupted the computerized timing mechanism and the torpedo struck their sub without exploding. He closed the gap.

What a perfect analogy for life. Maybe God is asking us to close the gap. I am convinced that everyone has a gap between where they are and where they can be. I believe God helps close our gap by drawing us His direction. Try to think about one thing you can do to close your gap – one thing that will help you take a step closer to Christ.

Volumes of books have been written outlining expert opinions on effective self-help characteristics. I’m sure you’ve seen the titles: 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, The Life Strategies Workbook, Chicken Soup for Everything, and on and on. There are books on parenting, mental disorders, self-esteem, relationships, communication and more. All designed to help us improve. In all these titles, I see one common factor – Attitude. You can change everything by changing your attitude.

Talent and Ability determine what we can accomplish. Attitude determines how well we will accomplish it (Lou Holtz).

A recent focus study administered by Business Week Magazine listed the 25 top companies in customer service. A few of the top 25 include: Four Seasons Hotels, Cadillac, Nordstrom, UPS, Lexus, Apple, Starbucks, Hertz and FedEx. The most common theme Business Week discovered in the top companies was an attitude that centered on the need to constantly improve. No matter how good we are, we need to improve. Attitude is the catalyst.

a Philippians 2:5
a Ephesians 4:22-24
a I Peter 4:10
a Philippians 4:8

Don’t be satisfied with the status quo.