Citizen Trade ... New Immigration Policy

New Immigration Policy

Politicians tell us our nation’s immigration policy is complex and not easy to fix. It doesn’t seem complex to me. With a few simple changes, we can update our immigration policy and make everyone happy. It’s called intelligent compromise … apparently our elected lawmakers do not have the ability to think creatively and solve this problem. That’s why I’m solving it for them.

Think like a professional sport general manager. At some point in the season you start thinking about making trades with other teams to make your team better, stronger, faster, etc. That’s the concept behind our new immigration policy. Every year, we have a trade deadline – April 15 – it’s already a national deadline so we may as well work with what we have. We take the people we don’t want any more and trade for hard-working, loyal, proud, dedicated, humble citizens from other countries. Simple but effective. We get people we want and get rid of a few idiots.

I’d take 4 Haitians, and a Cuban for Vince Neil … not Vince Neil when he was skinny, cool and could scream like a girl with Motley Crue, but fat Vince Neil who is now an embarrassment to all metalheads.

Val Kilmer is worth 2 Guatemalans and one Mexican … young, Top Gun Val would have been worth more … not so much now that his flight suit would be a hot air balloon.

Flavor Flav – Not worth anything so we’ll have to see if we can unload him in a multi-citizen trade.

We could probably do without Allen Iverson permanently. Right now, he’s on loan to Turkey. We may have to give up Tiger so they’ll keep him.

Citizen Trade is the way to go. The possibilities are endless.

Horse Meat on a Stick

National Redneck Day: Daytona 500

Today is National Redneck Day or what some call the Daytona 500. I've been thinking about this today. Rednecks show up by the thousands to watch NASCAR drivers race around a track. We all make fun of these wacko, inbred fools who drink too much, fight and make the rest of the white race look stooooppid. But, ...when we take a similar track, put grass or dirt on it, line up horses and jockey's ... we get a sophisticated, upper-class, calm, wine-tasting party known as horse racing. How can adding horses change the atmosphere that much? I think both would be more exciting if they were combined. That's right, sports fans ... let the horses race the cars. More wrecks, more blood, more fun and horse meat on a stick afterwards.

Black NASCAR Drivers .....

Sarcastic, satirical humor is my obsession. In my mind, if it's somewhat offensive ... it's funny. There are limits though and a few topics I don't address but for the most part, everything is funny. It's fun to exploit our stereotypes, add a touch of truth, dabble in a little sarcasm and laugh until it hurts. That's my intent .. I hope you laugh. OUT LOUD.

It doesn’t make a difference if you’re a practicing or recovering alcoholic. I don’t care if you shoot heroin, smoke crack or dip Skoal. Maybe you’re addicted to coffee, chocolate, picking your nose or picking your butt. If you’re a stereotype ... you can bet you’ll laugh by the time you leave this blog.

If you're bulimic, keep a trash can nearby and if you're a skinhead ... well, go ahead and shoot yourself. No matter who you are or what you do to live, thrive and survive ... I hope you laugh. Suit up, this is gonna be legendary.

How come there aren't any black NASCAR drivers? ... There isn't a police car at the back of the pack.

It's never a good idea to show up at your local battered women's shelter and ask: What did you do to deserve this?

The recession has been tough. I just saw a tow truck with a sign that read: Drink and Drive, We need the business.

There are only two tools anyone will ever need: Duct Tape and WD-40. If it moves and isn't supposed to ... use tape. If it doesn’t move and should ... use WD-40.

I'm tired of having a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. What a stupid statement. What about spiders, snakes, raccoons who mock me, the lead singer from Sha-Na-Na, and Chuck Norris?

Stereotypes make me laugh because I wonder how they develop. Are they based on some level of truth that gets exploited or are they made up myths and urban legends. Either way, they make me laugh. Mainly because I'm a stereotype.

Since I’m a history buff …. I’ll find you more interesting when you’re dead.